My stomach churns and my eyes open wide as they try to adjust to the unusually bright light. I squint as I read a number I have not had to read in months. I try to pull my messy hair up into a bun, and I stare at the chosen outfit of this unwanted day, sprawled on the trunk at the end of my bed.
My bed. My soft, sweet bed. I place one foot on the floor and slowly follow with the other. My head pounds and I fight against my own body to stand straight up. I walk to the restroom. What used to be a memorized routine now seems so distant. I brush my teeth, fix my hair, put some makeup on, and grab my clothes. As I walk out of the wooden door and into the red one, it is as if I never left. It suddenly all becomes real.
The first, last day of high school.
I look around almost as nervous as my freshman brother. People I have not talked to in three months are crowding every corner. I wave and smile hoping it was convincing. I am still shocked. “I miss you too” and “How have you been?” come out of my mouth but my mind isn’t focusing on that. My mind is taking in the white halls, bare rooms, red boards and shiny tile. I find my name on the wide rosters and make my way to advocacy. There I find my best friend staring back at me with a big smile. My shoulders begin to relax, and I run to sit next to her and talk about everything, but school seems to be the only topic that comes out.
It isn’t just any year. It’s senior year. The last year I will be attending the same school with people I have known since the first grade. It’s the year where colleges decide if you are special enough for them. It’s the year where you become an adult.
I walk out of advocacy and make my way into the main hall. Cheerleaders pass by with their colored uniforms. Bird keepers stride along proudly wearing their jean jackets. Freshman scurry down the hall worried, trying not to get lost, but seeming to already be. People embrace their friends and shout excitedly. Teachers begin opening their doors to welcome their new students. Some smile inviting you to your doom, others maybe to the most important year of your life yet.
I focus on the ambience of high school. Love, heartbreak, friendship, stress, frustration, hard work, and opportunity.
I can never say that it has been easy. It has been filled with peer pressure, competition, academic expectations, regulations, and pressure to take on more than I can handle. It has been the home to a lot of embarrassment moments including cold sores on picture day, frizzy hair under the hot humid sun, clumsy moments, and awkward situations. But it has also been the home of laughter, amazing people I had the chance to meet, newfound talents, butterflies in my stomach, and adrenaline rushing through my veins.
As I walk forward, I look back at all of the other times I have walked these same halls. All of the other stories I’ve experienced on this same surface. The tearing eyes of laughter and the ones made from stress, the friendships blossomed, and most impacting of all, the growth made. I remember a smaller, younger version of myself walking here for the first time.
I walk along the familiar path, take in the familiar sight, and smile.
