The big white rental van’s doors opened and it was time for the cardboard boxes to come out. One by one, my father, mother, sister and I all started unloading clothes, an alarm clock, picture frames, a bike, sheets and basically anything else needed for a year of college.

When my sister was bringing a box into her new home, flashbacks of our childhood started racing through my mind. Flashbacks to all of the times we ran around our backyard in California. Flashbacks to her making me sleep on the floor in her room because she was scared of some movie she watched. Flashbacks to her being my best friend that lived only three steps away from my room. I did the math, and now those three steps have turned into 871,200 steps.

Our relationship of tough love and teasing is something that I will cherish forever. I know that she’ll be fine in college, in life over the years and in living somewhere far. I’ve watched her grow up by my side, and I know that she’s ready for all of those college experiences, but recently I found myself questioning whether or not I was ready for her to leave and have all of those experiences without me.

While she and my parents worried about her classes and living situation, I worried that I wasn’t ready to help her leave. I wasn’t ready to give up all the funny jokes and faces that we made with each other. I wasn’t ready to give up the dances we would do in our car when our favorite song came on the radio. I wasn’t ready to give up the shared laughs that came with numerous inside jokes. I wasn’t ready to give her up.

I always knew the day my sister would leave for college would come, but that day was always in the distant future. Somehow I let the time pass me by, and now that chapter of our lives has arrived to the last paragraph. On the drive back to Houston, two hours turned into what seemed like a lifetime, and I realized that the person who trusted me with her secrets, who knew me well enough to understand my humor and joke around with me, who loved me enough to know we would always be best friends, was the same person that I didn’t spend enough time with. I shouldn’t have wasted so much time fighting with her. I shouldn’t have taken her presence for granted. We had amazing times growing up together, but I realized we could’ve had a lot more. I’m happy for her and I’m happy for the new part of her life, but I’m always going to wish she was home.