National boyfriend and girlfriend day, matching pajama bottoms, monthly anniversary posts, Darry Rings, large hauls, any kind of flowers except the ones that grow from the ground.

These are hallmarks of the modern relationship.

These elaborate gestures may convince you that you or your partner are inadequate, but by feeling this way, you’ve fallen victim to the enormous pressure that trends have placed on relationships to become something they should never be: performative.

While these broadcasted romantic gestures can be a personal way to show someone you care about them, the people who don’t receive these grand displays of affection feel like they’re missing out on something.

69% of students feel pressured to participate in social media relationship trends.

The unrealistic standards of high school relationships have been further perpetuated by social media. No date goes unposted; no holiday can go by without a personalized gift basket. One small mistake, such as not posting a birthday or anniversary photo, could trigger an entire cascade of chain reactions and put a relationship in jeopardy. From intimate love letters to grandiose homecoming mums with more bows in them than Jojo Siwa’s closet, modern expectations of dating have shifted to heavily encourage relationships influenced by spectacle.

Something as irrelevant as an extra “y” at the end of a “heyy” or a “wall snap” can send teens into a spiral, frantically researching what the smallest of signs mean. This forces couples to tiptoe their way through a relationship instead of focusing on the connection itself.

Now, this isn’t to say that every high school relationship is performative; we know there are couples that aren’t dating for just the image or clout. Usually, however, those who aren’t dating under the guise of an “aesthetic” feel less obligated to share details online for public approval.

However, no relationship — romantic or platonic — is immune to occasional conflict or tension. Even if a couple isn’t performative in nature, standards built upon seeing “perfect” couples online can still fester and convolute any relationship.

So the next time you see someone post their “boo basket” or “hard launch” after passing the “3 month rule” and you feel pressured to mirror that in your relationship, stop. This especially goes for those who are single. You’re not falling behind because you’re not dating right now and your high school experience certainly isn’t any less valuable.

High school relationships are about discovering who you are and growing alongside your partner, not posting on social media to curate the most perfect, “trendiest,” persona. Because being in a relationship that’s built on superficiality is bound to fail, sooner or later.

And who knows? Sometimes, the most meaningful relationships you form in high school are not romantic at all.

The best thing is, they don’t need chocolates, flowers, flashy social media posts or large signs to prove their sincerity.