Chants of “K-I-S-S-I-N-G” fill elementary school playgrounds. Relationships between middle schoolers blossom only to tragically fall apart two weeks later. Singles bemoan their ill-fated relationship status on every Instagram couple post.

People love romance. But they love it too much.

Romance is everywhere. It blares from the car radio. It makes up 23% of the U.S. fiction market. It assails every hallway in school in the form of public displays of affection.

There is nothing wrong with seeking romance, but the problem is when we see romance as the end-all-be-all.

Twenty-three percent of Americans think that happiness requires a romantic partner. Single people are judged as lonelier, less satisfied, less attractive and less socially skilled.

Young people especially feel the need to start dating: 53% of single 18 to 29-year-olds say they feel pressure from society to find a partner. If all of our friends are in relationships, then we might feel weird if we aren’t in one too. If everyone else is bringing a date to prom and we aren’t, then we might feel left out. After all, nobody wants to third-wheel.

But that’s not to say that adults don’t feel the pressure too. Twenty-nine percent of single adults are told that they “must be so lonely.” Moreover, 40-year-old singles are deemed socially immature. Once someone grows older, people expect them to settle down and start having kids. Due to this widespread expectation, if an older adult isn’t in a relationship, they might be viewed as a spinster.

Thirty-two percent of Americans feel pressured to find romance. And that’s an issue: a relationship started by pressure will crack under pressure.

People date others just for the sake of being in a relationship. They would rather fake romance than come face to face with reality. Rather than genuinely loving someone, they grasp onto whoever’s interested in them in order to feel wanted and loved. Time and time again, such relationships crash and burn and end up wasting both parties’ time.

From a young age, we are taught that romance is a magical thing that can solve every problem. People desire an idealized relationship that’s always plushies, carnations and candlelit dinners.

Yet, real relationships require work in order to survive through rough times.

When people love the idea of a partner but not their actual partner, they don’t put in the effort and communication that is required of a healthy relationship. The whole point of dating is to find a connection. Without a connection, dating will not fulfill or satisfy anyone. Dating just for the sake of dating could also lead people into a cycle of always getting in and out of relationships, never able to truly find someone they love.

This pressure to find and stay with “the one” also harms those who fall out of love with the person they once loved. People might fear breaking up because they fear they will never find romance again. They delude themselves into seeing love when there is none. People will try to salvage what they cannot fix all in hopes of staying with their significant other. This only delays the inevitable.

Additionally, when people feel like they need to prioritize romance, they might isolate themselves from other people in their lives all for the pursuit of love. They also might change who they are just to make themselves more appealing to the dating market, which creates an unsustainable persona and shaky foundations for a relationship.

But what if you don’t want romance?

“It’s just a phase. You’ll get over it sooner or later.”

The assumption that romance is a universally shared goal is especially dangerous for those who don’t experience sexual or romantic attraction to others. When the whole of society sees romance as something everyone should seek, asexual and aromantic people are perceived as needing to be fixed. In fact, 10% of asexual people have undergone or been offered conversion therapy, more than any other sexual orientation. This shouldn’t be the norm.

There is nothing wrong with not wanting love. There’s nothing wrong with wanting it either. But we need to realize that we’re sometimes too infatuated with romance.

Let’s not let our crush on romance crush us. Let’s not become too smitten with love. Let’s get over this obsession.